


Tell Me Why The Fear Feels So Good

by Books in the Blood (WholockHobbit88)



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Ghosts, Haunted Houses, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, fear kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-14 12:50:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14769968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WholockHobbit88/pseuds/Books%20in%20the%20Blood
Summary: Ryan begins to develop an embarrassing habit of getting aroused on set when scared. Sometimes Shane helps him out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've always thought it was reasonable to assume Ryan might have a fear kink so I wrote this fic; hope you all like it. Also, I'm terribly sorry Ryan Bergara and hope you never ever see this lol

Apparently, Ryan got off on fear; maybe that should have not come as a surprise to himself or anyone else but it did. He knew he relished that adrenaline rush that came with fear; any time that he survived a near encounter with ghosts or left a place inhabited by a demons unscathed it was always to a mindboggling rush of adrenaline through his body. After what felt like an eternity spent running through a haunted location, with his heart racing, his breath labored, arms and legs shaky, he burst out of the haunted house or hospital or asylum with a totally renewed sprit. Leaving the specters that haunted his worries behind him, his body would flood with relieved hormones and make him feel a bit shaky but still as if he could conquer the world and he had no problem saying fuck off to the entities that only moments ago had him utterly frozen with fear. He supposed that was nothing new; as a kid he'd always sought out scary movies his parents told him he couldn't watch or obstinately read his treasured Goosebumps books under the covers at night even though he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. But…..that was normal, he knew it was. He knew he was by far not the only one who wanted an adrenaline rush; there was a reason people flocked to horror movies and roller coasters. So, he totally accepted that he liked a good adrenaline rush. But to actually GET OFF on fear…that was something he was a lot more reluctant to admit.

The first time it happened, it took him by surprise. He and Shane had been in one of the absolute worst places they'd ever had to visit before which was saying something considering their resume included places like Waverly Hills and Eastern State Penitentiary. Roaming the halls and rooms of the old Victorian home where an entire family had been so convinced they were being possessed by the devil and the only way out was to commit mass suicide, Ryan had been absolutely and totally petrified. He'd felt the energy of the house the second that they had walked in; even walking across the lawn he'd felt the creeping sensation of prickling worry up his back and it took away his breath slightly. Stepping over that threshold where a man and wife and their five young children had died because of a demon's torment, Ryan's legs shook so much he feared he'd stumble across the floor. The further he walked in, the heavier the dizzy sensation swirling in his head grew, making him feel like he was going to do a very period accurate fearful swoon before it was all said and done and that just couldn't happen. Shane was very helpful as usual; as they had stood in the doorway of the bedroom where the family had died Ryan had insisted that he simply couldn't go any further and Shane told him to stop being a wimp. Though, to his credit, when he saw how afraid Ryan really was he'd said bracingly, "We've been through shit like this before. You'll be fine. Trust me…..I won't let a demon convince you to kill yourself." Ryan didn't want that to be encouraging but against his better judgement it somehow was. He'd stepped over that threshold with Shane beside him, his idiotic friend being the only reason he didn't run screaming from this godforsaken hell hole.

Shane was, as usual, unaffected by the dark energy that Ryan could literally FEEL creeping against his skin. He'd treated this demon pretty much the same as the Goatman; calling it a motherfucker and coward and every other horrible name under the sun until Ryan grew more and more nervous everyone could literally see his limbs shaking and his head had grew so dizzy he had to sink into an ancient chair that creaked under his weight.

When Shane had thrown himself down spread eagle on the bed, Ryan had nearly lost it.

"Ry, you just need to relax…..just lie down and let…..go…."Shane had teased, holding out a hand as if to pull Ryan out of the chair and onto the bed.

Ryan's mouth had grown dry; his heart was beating so hard it was painful. Shane was literally lying on the bed where those poor people had died, relaxed as hell, and telling Ryan to do the same. How could he when the air was literally so DARK he could barely breathe?

"You've lost your fucking mind…..you know right where you're lying seven people died….right?" Ryan asked. He tried to look at Shane lying on the bed but his vision was already blackening at the edges and he closed his eyes and tried to breathe heavily through his nose to stave off blacking out. Because, frankly, that would just be fucking embarrassing; everyone teased him enough about being so scared at these places he didn't need to faint too.

But he must have disassociated a little bit, even if he didn't fully pass out because one moment he was listening to Shane say, "It's like I've said before dude, people have probably died everywhere you've been…..hell…..someone's probably died in your own damn bedroom….."and the next he felt like he was floating through space and when he fully came back he was lying on that godawful bed next to Shane. It smelled like dust and mothballs; it did not smell like the blood and shit and piss that it must have once smelled like…but still…..Ryan couldn't help but feel it was still THERE…

"Fuck…..let me up….."Ryan had said in a dizzy state. His eyes felt blurry and untrusting as it he was drunk or half asleep, his heart hammering out of his chest. When Ryan tried to get up, he felt his hand grasped tightly by a long fingered, clammy hand, keeping his weak self down on the bed.

"Dude, you're FINE…those people died a hundred years ago. You're IMAGINING all of this" Shane whispered in the quiet next to him.

It was dark and Ryan STILL was sure that he smelled the metallic scent of blood cloying in the back of his throat. He heard something distant but was sure that sounded like a small cry and he couldn't help but recall that the youngest child that died here was only 18 months old…..

"You heard that right?" Ryan asked in panic, hearing what was undeniably a baby's cry, even without the spirit box's help. His head snapped up off the decrepit pillow to squint against the blinding dark at the sound but Shane's free hand pushed him back down.

"I didn't hear anything other than your heavy panting" Shane said. Even in the dark, Ryan could hear a smile in his tone.

"No…..there was a cry…..a baby crying….."Ryan said weakly. He felt so DAMN much in this DARK, heavy room; he felt like the energy of this room and its history was pushing down on his chest, filling his head with clouds and making his skin unbearably cold…..it was too much…..he felt that blackened sensation of passing out again.

Ryan didn't blame Shane for not noticing he was fully about to faint; he was doing his best to downplay it and pretend it wasn't happening. "Ryan…..there's no baby crying here. You know that" Shane tried to explain rationally.

But Ryan was beyond rational, especially with the crying so real in his ears it was like he could almost feel the tears in his own eyes. "It is…..I FEEL it…."Ryan insisted.

Shane must have decided that Ryan was beyond reason because he changed tactics. His soft, calming, compassionate Ryan-is-shitting-himself-I-have-to-calm-him voice was gone. Ryan could feel Shane's breath near his ear because it was strikingly hot compared to the cold ghost air around him.

"Aren't you afraid to lay here next to me?" Shane voice was so quiet that Ryan was sure that the camera couldn't be picking it up. Just him…

"W…wh….why?" Ryan asked. His voice being so heavy was making his words slow. He was undoubtedly afraid of this room and its ghosts but he wasn't afraid of Shane. Shane was the only reason he was brave enough to be in this room in the first place.

"Well…you know….plenty of people say I'm a demon. But you don't believe that, do you?" Shane said. His lips were so close in the dark that Ryan could feel them barely brush against his ear.

Ryan never DID believe that Shane was a demon no matter how many fans swooned over the idea; even so, Ryan felt a chill run through his body that didn't understand because the air was so cold but Shane was so warm and so near him.

"But what if I WAS a demon" Shane said in a hushed tone, "What if I whispered awful things in your ear? What if I waited until you went to sleep and haunted you? What if I said everything that you didn't want to hear? What if I played up your insecurities, your fears? Would you be like this poor family? If you were haunted constantly but such awful thoughts would you give in end it all?"

Ryan felt cold in his extremities but warmth in his core; it didn't feel like it normally did so he didn't recognize it until later. The only sign all was not right was the pressing, very needy concern that he hoped the crew couldn't hear any of this exchange. It felt too…..personal? No, surely that wasn't the word…

"Think about it, Ryan…this whole family died from fear like that" Shane whispered, if possible, even lower, "Think about such fear that would compel grown adults to not only drink poison but to force it down their children's throats….."

It was AWFUL…..it was so fucking awful to think about but Ryan couldn't move or speak; it was like he'd finally gotten that sleep paralysis he'd always worried about getting even though he knew he wasn't dreaming this.

"But YOU wouldn't do it that way, would you?" Shane asked.

Why? Why would Shane ask that…why would he even give a moment's thought to how Ryan would off himself? Why was RYAN now contemplating it himself?

"Poison…..too chemical, too imprecise for Ryan Bergara, I think" Shane said, "No…..surely a good old bullet to the head is much more reliable and precise"

Ryan didn't want to think about it but he couldn't stop it; once implanted in his mind it was a like a plant that grew unhindered. He could imagine the fear that a demon would inspire, cold and unrelenting, and the despair that would pull him to make that desperate, merciless and unceasing…no matter how much he didn't want to think about it, he could imagine in that moment the fear that would possess him to put a cold gun to his head and pull the trigger.

Ryan was sure that he actually did pass out this time because the next thing he knew he the unrealistic florescent lights were penetrating the room and Shane was next to the bed trying to get him to stand up. Ryan was surprised to find himself already siting up on the musty bed and though his head felt fuzzy he was mostly coherent, if all at once.

When Ryan looked up at Shane, he saw a worried expression; not worried enough to look needy to everyone else but worried enough that Ryan knew he really must have scared him by effectively fainting on set at a few little words. How embarrassing…

"Ryan…..I didn't mean to…..did you actually FAINT…...?" Shane asked incredulously. In hindsight he seemed actually, genuinely concerned. But in the moment Ryan was just overly paranoid and self-consciousness so he felt his face flush as he went on automatic defense.

"No….of course I didn't fucking faint!" Ryan said, a bit too dramatic and violently. He nearly leapt up off the bed and to standing position despite the fact that his head swam as he did so. "I did NOT faint…..I was just dizzy from all the DAMN energy in this room" Ryan insisted.

Ryan's voice echoed around the room despite the fact that he hadn't been trying to yell; he must have been though because Shane flinched a bit at the tone. "Okay…..fine…..I was just…..worried about you" Shane said, holding up his hands.

"Well, I'm FINE" Ryan insisted, as if he needed another reason to say that. His legs felt wobbly as he sought refuge out of this house. To his dismay though, as he began to hobble out of the room, Shane stopped in front of him, looking alarmed. Shane was always cool and composed at these places and Ryan could only assume if he was looking so wide eyed and distressed something was wrong. Shane stood in front of him as if to bar the door.

"What are you doing?" Ryan asked, frankly a bit miffed. He was tired and totally emotionally drained from the experience; he wanted to leave and he was done with any shit Shane might have to throw at him.

Shane's cheeks actually blushed; his eyes wouldn't meet Ryan's. Ryan was sure he had never seen Shane look so embarrassed and somehow that was more distressing than him looking afraid even in such a horrible place. "Well…..you've…..you've got a bit of a situation" Shane said in such a quiet tone Ryan had to lean in to hear him. He looked down at the floor as if he couldn't possibly bear to look at Ryan any longer.

Ryan was annoyed. "The only situation I've got is a long overdue date with my bed" he said darkly but as he raced toward the door, Shane leaned in. Blocking him from leaving and leaning in so close that only he could hear, Shane said, "Dude…..I'm trying to keep you from embarrassing yourself….you've uh…you've…..got a bit of a boner…."

Shane looked mortified at the admission and Ryan automatically felt the same. Once glance downward was enough to confirm that though Ryan wanted that to be a hilarious joke, it was not. And Shane was being generous; he didn't have a BIT of a boner because that would easily be hidden. He had a full hard on which was making itself fully known by pressing outwards against his jeans in a noticeable bulge. Ryan face fully flushed so red he felt like heat was radiating out from it. He had absolutely NO explanation for why he'd be getting a fucking hard on at a time like this. He was completely terrified and the furthest thing from being aroused…..right? He had no idea why this was happening and he had even less an idea of what to say to Shane who looked as if he wanted to be swallowed up by the ground and he wasn't even the one in the precarious position…..

As embarrassed and flustered as Shane looked, he must have noticed how much worse Ryan's embarrassment was because he said, "Listen…..uh…..I'll go talk to everyone else and just tell them you needed a moment to compose yourself…..from the fainting or whatever. And you just stay here and…" but whatever Shane was going to say he seemed to think better of it and left it hanging in the air.

Ryan couldn't believe that Shane wasn't giving him shit about this; maybe he was feeling sorry for him because he had been so affected by the history of the house. But still…..nothing like this has obviously ever happened and couldn't believe Shane wasn't making a joke about it. Ryan wouldn't have blamed him; he felt like if their roles were reversed he wouldn't have been as understanding. He felt a wave of gratitude toward Shane and felt like saying something but he just nodded to Shane's comment even though he felt a strange conflict within him; he wanted to immediately be alone in such an embarrassing position but he cringed at the thought of being alone in this room.

Shane was still red faced and flustered; he was avoiding Ryan's eye. "Well…just come down….when you're…..ready" he said in mortified tone before disappeared out of the room, leaving Ryan alone in a room he was still convinced was full of ghosts.

Despite the surety that he had felt the energy and voices of ghosts here and still being absolutely terrified Ryan slammed the door behind Shane and then sunk onto the musty death bed, his legs shaky and feeling unable to hold him up any longer. Ryan looked down at his lap and its noticeable bulge and felt thoroughly disgusted with himself. He'd done plenty of embarrassing things in the face of the supernatural but this had to be the worst. He was used to everyone teasing him about screaming or sweating or shaking unashamedly in the face of ghosts or demons. But this…..THIS…..was totally different and completely embarrassing. Shane hadn't even teased him about it even though he totally could have but still….he'd SEEN it and that was enough. Shane had seen him with a hard on and not from some understandable reason like a hot woman or porn or something…he'd seen him with a hard on in a haunted house where several people had killed themselves. Shit…..

Ryan had to admit that the electric lights blaring in the room in which they clearly didn't belong did a bit to break the haunted house emersion; the electric glow against the Victorian trappings, the modern EXIT sign over the door, the plaques on the wall that told the house's history because this was indeed a tourist attraction did actually make Ryan feel a bit less hysterical than he had with the lights off. Had the lights been off and had he still heard those little voices crying out in the eerie quiet, he would not have been able to stay here; he'd have been running out screaming, boner or not. But with that little bit of realism brought to the scene he was able to stay frozen on that bed, too ashamed and confused to do anything.

Ryan was hyperaware of everything; the lights were too bright, the room was too musty, it was too cold, he could still hear everyone muttering one floor below him…and even worse than that he was completely and wholly aware of the hot, throbbing pain that was the boner pressing against his jeans painfully. It was so strange that he hadn't even noticed it in the daze of his dizzy, passing out episode but now that Shane had pointed it out to him that was ALL he could notice. It'd been a long time since Ryan has found himself in such a positon in public, wholly unable to do anything about and it and he was not a fan of the sensation.

Ryan could hear everyone below talking; he could hear them enough to know they were talking without hearing the words clearly. That alone was enough to give him anxiety about the matter. What were they saying? What had Shane told them was wrong? Surely not the truth? How long could they sit here before everyone came up to investigate? What if everyone came up and saw that he still had a fucking BONER here off all places? Ryan could imagine all the fucking-a-ghost jokes now and felt a cold sweat pop up along his skin…

Realizing that he was panicking, Ryan forced himself to close his eyes and breathe deeply. Panicking would serve him no purpose and what he really needed to be doing was to calm down not only his mind but his overly aware body enough to relax and rejoin everyone. Despite his deep breaths, despite the fact he was he in a haunted godawful hell hole nothing seemed to have any effect on his erection…of course his reaction to this was to panic further which had absolutely no effect on his dick at all. Ryan could not even begin to fathom why he'd gotten a boner here of all places and he had no idea why it would not go away.

It was way too cold and Ryan was still scared shitless; he could feel a surrounding presence of energy around him though it wasn't the pressing terror of it that he'd felt minuets ago. All of this should have been enough to make Ryan's erection fade in seconds and yet….

It didn't…..not even close…..

The voices in the echoing house faded away as if everyone had went outside. Ryan was aware of a cold breeze against his neck despite the fact there should have been no breeze; everything was silent and still as the darkness that inhabited this room seemed to fill Ryan up. The trembling fear he'd felt was replaced by a burning darkness….a darkness that was sure and confident.

That was when a dark, awful, horrible idea came to Ryan's mind. At first he ignored it; he tried to push it away as if it had never occurred to his subconscious. But it persisted…it nagged and poked at the back of his mind as his dick remained persistently hard. He could…..he COULD…..

Ryan was embarrassed and ashamed that he even had the thought; he tried to not look at any of the room's Victorian trappings or think of its long dead owners as the obscene thought passed through his head. How was he even considering such an act in a room where a whole family had killed themselves? Ryan felt he was gross and disgusting and awful for thinking it and yet…..his erection was not going away and he saw no answer to his problem.

It wasn't as if anyone would KNOW…..Ryan tried to reason with himself. No one would know if he did it…well, no one but him and the obvious ghosts that inhabited this room. That was enough to make Ryan feel disgustingly embarrassed but not enough to make him not do it. His cock throbbed with some kind of obscene need and once the thought was placed in his mind it was impossible to get rid of.

It was wrong to be sure; he was clearly desecrating a site that had been horribly painful and awful for several people. It was obviously horrible to do this here but there was also that element of fear; not only was this horrible but there was the very apparent fear that he would be caught doing it. He hated himself for feeling it but all of that mixed into a swirling pit of forbidden need that he couldn't deny.

With one last glance around the room to see that no one was indeed watching (at least, no one living, otherwise he couldn't tell) Ryan closed his eyes and undid the zipper of jeans; the sound seemed unbelievably loud in the quiet of the haunted house. Without opening his eyes to see how it looked in this unconventional place, he wrapped his hand around his painfully erect cock and began to pump in a familiar pace.

It shouldn't have come so easily but it did; with the quick pace he was used to he was already half there. He thought for a fleeting second about visiting a dozen common fantasies that he usually used in this situation that he knew would push him to the very edge but found that he couldn't dwell on any of those sordid images in this ghastly awful place. Instead, despite himself, all he could think about was Shane.

To be fair, he wasn't just thinking about Shane with no context; that would have just been a fucking nightmare. The fact that Shane played any hand in any thought that crossed his mind while he had his hand wrapped around his cock was bad enough. Contrary to what Ryan might have wanted, Shane's voice kept popping into his head as he pumped his cock harder and felt the tingle of his orgasm trying to approach and finish.

"Aren't you afraid to lay here next to me?"

"What if I whispered awful things in your ear? What if I waited until you went to sleep and haunted you? What if I said everything that you didn't want to hear? What if I played up your insecurities, your fears?"

"Poison…..too chemical, too imprecise for Ryan Bergara, I think. No…..surely a good old bullet to the head is much more reliable and precise"

The effect was embarrassing and immediate; after a few minutes of pumping his aching erection thinking about those terrifying words produced an immediate response that he couldn't explain away. Thinking about the darkness and fear and the feel of Shane's breath against his ear as he whispered scary things had his body spilling itself harder than he could recall in recent memory.

For a moment, Ryan was dazed, breathing hard, heart thumping, head dizzy as he sought to gather his wits about him. He waited as long as he could before opening his eyes, knowing the setting would bring him fully to himself and the disgusting thing he'd done. Nevertheless, as his breath slowed and his heart calmed he had to open his eyes and come to himself. And the sight was anything but calming…

He was sitting on an ancient bed where people had actually died and probably became ghosts, his now limp dick out, cum splashed across his stomach because he had just fucking got OFF on the idea of being afraid in this obviously fearful place.

Yep….he was definitely going to hell…..

Ryan flushed with shame and disgust like he had not felt in a long time. He was disgusting and awful and there was no excuse for him at all….

Now that his erection was fully gone he was eager to act as if it had never existed in the first place. With nothing else to clean up his mess with available he was in the sordid position of having to remove one of his socks to do the job with and then having to stuff the offending article in his pocket.

He was revolting…..utterly disgusting. He could not have felt worse about himself as he vacated that horrible room looking for everyone.

Eventually, Ryan made his way down the stairs and out of that godforsaken house to where everyone was waiting for him outside. The night air was so cold that it prickled his fevered skin but Ryan felt that he welcomed it in the sight of everyone normal and sane; in the sight of everyone who had not got a boner and beat off in a haunted house….Ryan could feel his crunchy sock in his pocket and felt a flush of shame.

To their pure credit, everyone interpreted his flush and quiet reactions to his 'fainting'. They all coddled him and worried about him until he flat out told everyone to stop worrying about him. They still viewed him out of side glances, still obviously concerned but trying to show themselves as accepting his assurance that he was alright. Shane, obviously, was not buying it; he watched Ryan with a fully expression. A vacant expression that Ryan couldn't read, but it was a full, unashamed expression nonetheless. It unnerved Ryan…Shane alone knew what really happened and he alone could interpret the details and Ryan was sure he would. All night, Ryan expected Shane to make some comment; through dinner, through drinks, through the ride to the hotel…..

Shane was a true friend apparently; he said nothing all night. As ashamed as Ryan was about what he had done he was even more embarrassed by Shane's reaction to it all. Ryan knew he was would not have been as kind and understanding had the roles been reversed; he'd have given Shane shit about it. The fact that Shane didn't only proved further to Ryan was a piece of shit….

But still, Shane was only human and could only stay quiet so long. As they changed and got into bed that night in the hotel, Ryan could sense it coming on. When the lights went out and Ryan relaxed against his pillow in the dark he could hear Shane breathe heavily and knew he was gearing up for it.

"So….has that ever happened to you before?" Shane's question was tentative and nervous in the dark quietness of the room. He wanted to understand why Ryan had gotten a boner in a horrifyingly scary place but he wasn't going to push the issue; he wasn't going to tease Ryan or push hm.

This should have comforted Ryan but it didn't; it just made him want to gain the upper hand. He wanted to say "What?" in response to Shane's question but he was sure he didn't want to hear Shane voice what had happened. He stayed with the safe response.

"No…..that's never happened before "Ryan said. His voice seemed to echo in the quiet of the hotel room where no sound broke through but the whirl of the air conditioner and the distant sound of the elevator and others' voices. Ryan felt like the response needed more; he needed to fully to explain to Shane how he'd never ever gotten even close to having a boner because of a ghost or a haunted house but found that he could speak correctly.

There was a long pause in the quiet cool darkness where Ryan could almost feel Shane's brainwaves. "Why….."

It was a simple question but could break off to so many complicated ones…..why did you get a hard on in a haunted house…..why are you turned on by being scared…why did you fuck yourself in a haunted house…..none of which he wanted to hear. Ryan cut him off…..

"That house was weird….I've never felt like that" Ryan said in way of explanation "There was so much energy it was overwhelming….I don't know what happened…."

Ryan wanted to be this enough of an explanation for Shane to leave it alone but knowing how Shane was Ryan should have not been surprised it wasn't enough to appease him. He didn't believe in spooky specters, spirits, cold spots, orbs and ghosts and it wasn't surprising he didn't accept these things as explanations for Ryan's strange behavior.

"Yeah…..but….you….you were….."

Shane couldn't actually say it; even as rational as Shane was he couldn't voice that that Ryan had gotten an erection on location. It made Shane endearing and Ryan disgusting.

"It was nothing…."Ryan said firmly, begging Shane to defy his words, dark as they were, "I just got fucking sleep paralysis or something and I freaked out…..it doesn't mean anything. Just drop it"

Ryan expected Shane to argue; he always argued about everything. Ryan wished that he could see Shane's expression in the creepily dark light of the hotel room, just lit by the edges of the curtain but he couldn't. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity Shane finally spoke. What he said really surprised Ryan….

"Okay…..okay…if you say so man…..I just wondered…." Shane said, his tone and words noncommittal, seemingly unconcerned whether Ryan shared his deep dark secrets or not.

"Well….I'm fine…..so it's okay" Ryan said, more harshly than he meant to as he pulled the covers to his chin as he fought the chill surrounding him. He knew that he should have thanked Shane for covering for him around the others; he knew he should thank him for not giving him shit. But he found him unbelievably, cowardly, quiet after his words and Shane did not break the silence.

Ryan lay with the covers around his chin, his heart racing and his breath quick for what felt like an eternity waiting for Shane's reaction; it didn't come and after a while he could hear the heavy snore that signified that Shane was definitely asleep. It shouldn't have meant anything but Ryan felt a deep sense of emptiness that inexplicitly made him feel totally alone and kept him from sleeping for a long awhile.


	2. Chapter 2

Just because Shane was unbelievably understanding that night didn't mean he always was, Ryan was embarrassingly finding out. They had managed to film the rest of this episode and travel back home without episode; Ryan had almost forgotten it by the time they got home. Had that been the last time that something like that happened, he might have blocked it from his memory completely, never to speak of it again. But of course, nothing could ever be fucking that easy and Ryan found himself plagued with unexplainable boners nearly every time they visited some place scary now. It didn't happen at EVERY place they went but it happened often enough that Shane definitely noticed and after the first few times it seemed his understanding nature had gone out the window. After a while it was simply too irresistible to see Ryan with a hard on in the middle of a cemetery or old prison and not tease him about it. After a while, the teasing would even PROCEDE the event; on the way to a haunted house Shane would nudge his arm, give him a wink and joke about his hot date with the ghosts. Ryan was, of course, not amused.

Aside from the fact that it was terribly embarrassing and he was afraid someone else would soon notice, it was just damn inconvenient. He was left with the option of rubbing one out in the bathroom (assuming the place even had one) or ending up with a severe case of blue balls. Usually it was the later…it was humiliating, painful and quite frankly Ryan was a bit freaked out.

This had never happened to him before that time in the haunted house and he didn't know why it was now. It was understandable that fear gave one an adrenaline rush but that should have had nothing to do with his dick. He wasn't aroused by fear and yet…now it would seem he WAS. Ryan let himself entertain a million possible reasons for this; he even thought about seeing a doctor about it. Better judgement prevailed when he thought about actually going to a medical professional and trying to explain that every time he was around ghosts his dick got hard; if the guy didn't flat out laugh in his face, he imagined they'd cart him off to a mental hospital and he'd seen enough of those to know that a ghost fearing person like him did not need to be anywhere near it.

In his most paranoid moments he was beginning to worry he was being possessed by a ghost with a sick sense of humor. It actually wasn't that crazy; he'd been around enough spirit infested places and he always worried one would follow him home. Of course, he didn't expect this to be the result; could ghosts even manipulate your body like that? Wildly he imagined going to Father Thomas and asking his advice on the matter; of course he gave up that idea when he imagined not only having to admit he'd blatantly disobeyed his advice but having to talk about erections with a priest. Nah…..

So, Ryan did his best to try to find an answer to it himself. Logically, he thought maybe his body was just over stimulated and he just needed to masturbate more when he was far from a scary place so his body had no excuse. It seemed like a perfectly reasonable explanation, one he tried the next shoot they went to.

Hardly wanting to get a hard on at an abandoned asylum, especially one they were sleeping at, he took a long, hot shower before they left and took care of his ghost obsessed dick. He was alarmed to feel it hardly felt as good when he didn't have a racing heart and adrenaline flooding through his blood but he quickly pushed that thought away for positivity that he was not going to be embarrassed this time.

And things went surprisingly well…he was, of course, terrified as he always was but he wasn't hyperventilating and he wasn't aroused and he counted that as a win. Ryan was almost convinced that he had found the answer to his embarrassing problem until they reached the last room of the shoot, the one they were supposed to sleep in.

"Ah…..marvelous! The murder room…..home sweet home, Ryan." Shane said overly cheerful as they stepped into the room in the asylum where a doctor had murdered several patients. Of course, that would the room they were sleeping in…

"Oh no….."Ryan muttered as he stepped into the room. Immediately, he could feel the change in energy. While the rest of the hospital felt only mildly creepy, this room chilled him to the core and he instantly felt dizzy.

"What's the matter, Ry? Feeling a bit strange?" Shane asked, walking further into the room, looking almost as gleeful as if he was taking a walk through the park and not a room that had lead paint peeling from the walls and blood splattered on the floor.

"I fucking hate this room, dude" Ryan said, the dizziness increasing and making his limbs feel heavy and useless.

"Ah, come on now…you'll hurt the ghosts' feelings. You don't want to hurt your friends' feelings do you?" Shane said with a suggestive eyebrow raise. The way he said 'friends' made Ryan quite sure that if the camera wasn't rolling he'd make a dirty joke about being turned on by them. Luckily, as strange as this room felt, there was no sign of his ghostly problem showing up.

"Well, they make me feel like I'm going to puke so I don't think I care about hurting their feelings" Ryan said, trying to be light. "I mean, sorry ghosts that you got killed in such an awful way in this room but this place is fucking horrible"

"You might as well make yourself comfortable. You realize we are sleeping here?" Shane said, sounding entirely too happy as he kicked a dust covered bed pan across the floor. Ryan thought he was going to throw up.

"Yes, I realize that. I'm trying not to freak out at this point" Ryan admitted, watching Shane walk across the room.

Shane walked to the opposite end. "Ryan! Look at this!" he said and when he turned around to look at Ryan, pure happiness spread across his face.

Ryan walked across the room until he reached the Shane; Shane, who was standing on a pentagram drawn on the floor.

Of course there had to be a pentagram here….

"Why does there always have to be a fucking pentagram….."Ryan asked. The last thing he needed was demons in addition to obvious ghosts he could feel, surrounding him and trying to take his breath away.

"Because what better place to perform satanic rituals than a hell hole where a bunch of people got murdered?" Shane said gleefully, sitting down on the pentagram cross legged.

"You look real comfortable. You feel at home here?" Ryan asked sarcastically, breathing through his nose to stave off the nausea.

"Not until our demon friends show up" Shane said grinning. "Demons! It's us…..your boys. Shane and Ryan"

"No! Stop it! I'm not with you…..I'm not with him!" Ryan said frantically, his heart beginning to race. He hated fucking demons…..

"Demons!" Shane shouted gleefully.

"Stop shouting demons!" Ryan hissed.

"Demons! Show yourselves!" Shane said, "Throw us against wall….scratch us…..hit us over the head!"

"Dude…..shut the fuck up! We're sleeping here! Stop provoking the demons!"

Shane smiled at Ryan with a wicked grin that told Ryan he was about to do something particularly provoking. "Come on demons…..why don't you show yourself to Ryan. Ryan Bergara…..he's your friend. He LOVES you guys….loves you….maybe a little too much"

Ryan scowled at Shane; he knew what he was doing. He knew what he was fucking doing and he knew that Ryan couldn't say anything.

"I don't love demons. I hate demons…..and you fucking know that" Ryan said.

"Demons! Come touch Ryan" Shane said, "Give him a little back rub, whisper in his ear…..be gentle with him….."

"You got to shut up…..shut up now" Ryan warned.

"Come on demons…..you're looking bad. I'm sitting on a pentagram begging you to come touch my dear friend Ryan…..come on!" Shane said.

Before Ryan could yell at Shane again, the demons or ghosts or SOME thing did just that. Ryan felt what felt like someone blow against his neck. And then promptly got weak in the knees.

Stumbling a bit and whipping around, Ryan shouted, "What the FUCK was that!?"

"What?" Shane asked, laughing too much for Ryan's comfort.

"Something blew on my fucking neck!" Ryan said, hand grazing his neck which felt as cold as if ice had been permanently placed there.

"Relax…..it was just the wind" Shane assured him. And of course the ghost chose that moment to touch him in what felt like cool fingers gripping the back of his neck.

Ryan's legs and hands shook. "That was not the wind! You told it to touch me and it did!" he panicked. His vision was blurring at the edges; his lungs were constricting.

"Dude…calm down. Don't have a panic attack. Breathe…"Shane said, standing up and walking closer to Ryan.

Ryan backed away. "Stop telling me to calm down. You did this…YOU told them to touch me and then they did!"

"No, no one touched you. You're imagining it "Shane said rationally.

Ryan was far from being rational. His whole body was cold and everything was going black. He had to sit down for fear of fainting. "I'm not…..I'm not imagining it" he panted.

"You are" Shane tried to assure him, putting a hand on his shoulder, "just because I say, 'Hey demons, touch Ryan' doesn't mean they will."

Only, it appeared that they DID in fact. That's when Ryan felt what felt like cold fingers around both sides of his neck.

And then he passed out…..

Ryan was immediately aware of a deep cold, burning sensation and the hum of distant voices as if he were under water. One moment there was nothing…..and then Ryan's eyes snapped open and he was brought to the horribleness of the moment.

Ryan was lying on the filthy floor of the asylum, cold to the bone and his eyes staring up at a wide eyed Shane who was looking at him as if he was a frail, 19th century lady on a fainting couch. Which was ridiculous…..except that he HAD just fainted. Ryan was immediately aware that he had just fainted…..and he had an erection.

Of course he fucking did…

"Ryan! Are you alright?" Shane asked as Ryan pushed himself into a sitting position and hastily repositioned his hands so no one would notice his humiliating condition.

Shane seemed concerned…..his face was drawn in worry and he was hovering around Ryan while everyone else stood a healthy distance off but still was clearly watching him. Maybe Ryan should have welcomed the concern on Shane's face; it wasn't often that Ryan saw that look there. But he wasn't relieved or comforted; he was just fucking annoyed. No matter what Shane said, something had very clearly touched him and it was only because Shane had provoked it. He had fainted…..actually fainted; at least the last time he could blow it off like he hadn't even though he'd come close. Everyone already knew he was terrified of ghosts but now they made him faint? How embarrassing…he was certain to guarantee that none of this made it on the video no matter how much Shane wanted it to.

Looking down at his hands in his lap he felt his face flush hot despite the frigidness of the room. His plan hadn't worked…at this point his problem was far from funny in any way. Ryan was 100% done.

"Ryan?" Shane prodded when Ryan didn't speak. He was looking at Ryan worriedly but that didn't stop Ryan from snapping.

"I'm fine! Just back up dude…."Ryan said in irritation.

"You just fainted…..are you sure you're okay?" Shane said, crouching down next to Ryan. He tried to reach out and put a hand on Ryan's shoulder but he flinched back so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash.

"I said I was fucking fine! Would everyone just leave me alone about it!?" Ryan burst out. His words echoed unnecessarily harsh in the vacant building and the crew looked at him with concern. Ryan saw Shane give them a gentle motion of the hand and they quickly rushed out of the room, leaving them alone.

"Are you really fine? You can say if you're not" Shane said with concern. "We don't have to stay here tonight. You just say the word and we'll all leave."

Ryan's anger flared up. The last thing he wanted to do was try to sleep in this hell hole but he was going to be damned if he made everyone leave; it would only draw more attention to his fear and his fainting episode. "I said I'm fine! Like you care, anyway…" Ryan said bitterly.

Shane's face fell in a way that Ryan had never seen; if he hadn't been intentionally taunting the demons to hurt Ryan and implying he wanted to fuck them only minutes later, Ryan might have believed he was really upset by Ryan's words.

"I do care….."Shane said quietly, trying again to reach out and touch Ryan.

But he wasn't having it; he jumped up, gathering the audio recorder and turning his back on Shane.

"Just get the stuff ready for tonight…..the quicker we go to sleep, the quicker we can get the hell out of here" Ryan said darkly.

It was only few short minutes later that they had laid out their sleeping bags, positioned cameras and audio recorders, and laid down armed with only flashlights to stave off the demons in the darkness. Ryan kept his back to Shane the whole time until the lights were off so that he wouldn't notice his boner; Shane hadn't said anything yet so Ryan hoped that he might have been so concerned about Ryan's fainting that he hadn't noticed his too obvious dick. Ryan kept hoping it would go away but to no avail; every time it began to soften, he'd feel the prickle of energy like something was right behind him or a shiver up his spine and the blood would inevitably rush back.

So, now he was tucked into a sleeping bag on a filthy floor in the pitch blackness and despite his bravado, he was still terrified. He had felt the touch of fingers on him just as clearly as if Shane had touched him with ice cold hands; there was clearly something in the room. At best it was a ghost, at worst a demon…Ryan was actually afraid to go to sleep. Was it better to stay awake and get possessed or go to sleep and let the spirits do who knew what with him? There was little chance of him going to sleep anyway…his dick was still painfully hard and there was no chance of it going away. For a moment, Ryan thought wildly of slipping his hand into his sleeping bag and giving it a few good tugs but Shane was lying so close to him there was no way he could possibly move without his noticing; there was no choice as it was so cold in here Ryan was sure he'd be able to see his breath if it was light. Ryan thought Shane was asleep until he tentatively broke the silence.

"Ry? You still awake?"

Ryan sighed; as if he could sleep….. "I never sleep in these places. Of course I'm awake. Just go to sleep, Shane" he said tiredly.

Shane paused before saying, "Your ghost problem still bothering you?"

'Ghost problem' was Shane's polite way of asking if he still had his fear boner and Ryan was just about done with his shit…..

"That's it!" Ryan said angrily. He reached out blindly, turning off the camera and the audio recorder so he could shout at Shane without it being kept for posterity. He was done…simply done…..

Ryan blasted the light of his flashlight directly in Shane's face and was savagely pleased when Shane's eyes snapped shut painfully from the assault. "This is all just so damn funny to you" Ryan snapped, "And I think I've been a pretty good sport about it…..considering you are constantly making fun of me about it but I'm fucking done. Okay…..I guess it's a fact I get boners from being scared. I don't know why the hell that is but you pointing it out every single time is far from helpful. I'm done…..stop laughing about it, stop with your stupid jokes implying I'm going to fuck the ghosts…just stop. If you had an almost constant case of blue balls you wouldn't find it funny either!"

After his outburst, Ryan was immediately embarrassed because he actually acknowledged this was happening and somehow that was worse because now it was REAL…..he'd said it and now he couldn't take it back. He really expected Shane to laugh him; at which point he probably would have punched him in the face. But he didn't…..he actually seemed a bit stunned.

"I….I didn't know it bothered you that much" Shane said, "I didn't mean anything by it. I was just making jokes."

Maybe Ryan should have been happy Shane actually was trying to apologize but he was just so thoroughly embarrassed by the situation and his outburst that he didn't want to hear it; he wanted to pretend that it never happened or let Shane see it had gotten to him. Shutting off the flashlight and plunging them back into darkness, Ryan turned over on his side so his back was to Shane.

"Just forget it…go to sleep Shane. I'll keep an eye on everything….it's not like I'm going to be able to sleep" Ryan said bitterly, burrowing down deeper into his sleeping bag, trying not to sense the spiritual energy around him and hoping his dick would stop aching.

He didn't expect a response from Shane; it was several long, silent minutes before Shane's voice quietly broke the silence.

"Well…..you know you could…take care of it…and then maybe you could sleep"

There was no WAY Shane was implying what Ryan thought he was; he whipped around to face Shane as quickly as the sleeping bag would allow but he could make out little in the darkness other than a Shane shaped shadow. "What?" Ryan asked incredulously. He wished that he could read Shane's expression but at the same time he was too embarrassed to turn the flashlight on again.

Shane was obviously flustered because Ryan could hear him stuttering in the dark. "I just meant…..if you…took care of your….PROBLEM…..well, then…you might be able to sleep" he finally said.

Ryan was glad that Shane couldn't see his face; he was embarrassed and shocked and honestly didn't know why a flood of excitement went through him. "I'm not going to do THAT here…..in front of YOU!" Ryan burst out. Of course, as soon as he said that, the mental image of doing just that popped into his head and wouldn't go away. Now he felt his body was completely against him because the idea of masturbating right next to Shane where he could feel him moving, could HEAR him sent a rush of excitement going through him.

"I can't SEE you" Shane said, "Just do it…..I won't look"

Oh god…..WHY did he want to? Shame and self-disgust was becoming a common feeling for him since he started getting aroused by the scenes of gruesome murders and getting off in haunted houses but that didn't stop a wave of it coming on now. He wanted to do it…..he hated himself for it but he did. His dick ached so much for release that he told himself that was the reason he was considering it and not the fact that he was genuinely turned on by the shame of doing it next to Shane. Even so, he realized that he had to be the voice of reason. He and Shane were close and saw a lot of each other's ugliness but he felt this crossed some kind of line that he worried would make things weird.

"Yeah….but…..you're still right here. You'd know what I was doing" Ryan said worriedly.

"Would it help if I talked to you? Try to scare you?" Shane asked.

Had Ryan still been feeling defensive he would have thought that Shane was making fun of him by implying that trying to scare him would make it easier to get off. But he wasn't…he was genuinely trying to get Ryan to do it. Ryan thought about how he'd felt when Shane had tried to scare him in that first haunted house where this had happened and Ryan had to admit he thought it WOULD help. As messed up as Ryan felt for wanting to do this, Shane was the one suggesting it so if he was messed up, so was Shane. It was probably a bad idea but Ryan couldn't find himself able to say no.

It turned out that he didn't have to say anything; when he didn't reply he could feel Shane roll over next to him and a moment later he felt the brush of Shane's hot breath near his frozen ear.

"Lay on your back…..relax" Shane said in a quiet tone that Ryan had never heard him use. He instantly obeyed. He lay on his back, limbs weak and unmoving, eyes staring into the darkness. When Shane could obviously hear his panting breath, he said quietly, "Breathe in…..breathe out…..breathe in…..breathe out…"

Ryan followed Shane's orders without thought, taking a breath when he told him and releasing it also when he told him to. The pace of breath that Shane set and the calming tone of his voice instantly set Ryan to relax. He didn't know logically how he COULD relax in such a dirty, haunted, godforsaken place but somehow the combination of the perfectly timed breaths and Shane's calming tone did it. Ryan didn't want to admit how at peace Shane's voice simply made him feel; considering what they were about to do he didn't see how that mattered.

When Ryan's breath was calm and regulated, Shane ceased telling him to breathe. Ryan felt a hand come to rest against his stomach, warm and heavy and he felt the hairs on his neck stand up at attention, interested.

"Imagine this…you're in this room as a patient. You're scared, worried… You're out of your mind so that you don't know why you're here but you're aware enough that you know that something isn't right. People come to you and tell you they are doctors but what they do to you doesn't feel like medicine. You know that doctors are people who make you feel good and these people only make you feel bad." Shane cooed.

The people on the internet were always talking about Ryan's 'theory' voice and the fear he had in it and while that had always made him feel confident and proud Shane's 'fear' voice whether intentional or not had nothing on Ryan's. Ryan didn't know why Shane's words seemed to have the effect of setting those feelings into him but they did; as he spoke them he felt scared and worried and apprehensive; at the same time he couldn't help but feel an excited rush of blood downward, setting his painful cock a quiver. He'd been painfully hard for a long time now but the effect of his body calming itself under Shane's purring voice and the tremble of fear running through his blood made his cock twitch in a delightful way.

"Every day here is nearly the same…..you were placed here by people who claimed to love you. They said they did and then one day they brought you here and then left. You keep waiting for them to come back but they never do…..your days are spent looking out this window looking for the people who say they love you and they'll come back…you can't understand what you did to make them not like you anymore but you wish you could…you'd change if only you knew what you did wrong…"

How the FUCK did Shane do that? Most people when they went for fear factor would have went for ghosts, monsters, murders….not so with Shane. He had the emotional sensitivity to know that there were things much worse than being quickly eaten or mauled by a monster; he was smart and emotionally aware enough to know that a slow, sad, wasting death was the worst. As Shane spoke the words Ryan could miraculously FEEL them…As Shane spoke it, Ryan could feel the energy he spoke; Ryan was not an abandoned mentally ill outcast but he could feel the energy of those who had been. In this place…now abandoned, confused, simple…he could feel the oppressive weight of loneliness and abandonment…..he could all too keenly feel how the fear would pulse hot and needy at first…though over time would grow weak and meaningless…

Through Shane's words alone, Ryan could FEEL the oppressive pull of loneliness and hopelessness….he could feel his heart slow and his breath labor, his limbs grow weak…all as the hopelessness of this place set into his bones. He felt cold, needy, alone…despite his self-awareness of where he was and what was happening he could stop the spell of Shane's words making him feel like a poor, needy, invalid that was desperately grasping out for contact. All through this, Ryan couldn't help himself slipping a hand underneath his sleeping bag and into his pants. Ryan's hand skirted against Shane's that was placed on his stomach, hot and electric to the touch in the dark. As he began to pump his hard dick, waves of relief spread throughout his body, along with the shame of knowing he was doing it with Shane. The shame only increased with the tremble of pleasure he found at the sound of Shane's voice or the excitement he felt as his hand brushed against Shane's as he pumped himself.

"You feel worthless…..alone…disgusting…."Shane trilled into his ear and despite himself he felt those emotions tremble throughout his whole body, "you're just waiting for someone to save you from that reality. Every day is one endless cycle of misery into the next and you just wish it would end. Even death would be better than this, you think" Shane hummed.

Ryan instantly felt it; he was pumping away at his erection, ignoring the mounting feeling of shame when he felt the wave of Shane's words. Shame, disgust, embarrassment and hopelessness hit him like a wave so strong his hand slipped and he had to grab himself and begin again. In the pause between phrases where Shane was catching his breath, Ryan was very aware of just how LOUD the rustle of his sleeping bag was in this place and equally aware that he couldn't do anything to stop himself; he was too far gone.

"You begin to spend your days imagining how to end your own life" Shane whispered in Ryan's ears so closely that Ryan couls feel his lips gently scrape against his ear, "You imagine cutting your wrists and shooting yourself; of course you can't get your hands on a knife or gun here. You imagine an overdose but the medication is under the strictest control. Even making a noose isn't an option; there is nothing to hang from on the ceiling. The more desperate you become, the more the staff begins to notice. You see the smiles, the smirks; they delight in your suffering and make sure that they keep you under observation so that you can't end it yourself. Your situation is utterly hopeless. Until, one day, a doctor comes to you and acts differently; he says he wants to help you. Says he can make you stop hurting; says he can make it all go away."

Ryan was pulsing with fear and desire in equal measure and even though that phenomena had annoyed him to no end lately, right now, next to Shane's warmth and the coo of his voice he allowed himself to simply enjoy it; to feel the fear but not be overwhelmed by it, to feel the desire and let himself get carried away. The rustle of the sleeping bag was soon joined by the sound of his panting, gasping breath and though Ryan was embarrassed to hear it, he didn't want to make himself quiet any longer. Shane's voice faltered at the sound of his need which perhaps should have made him be quieter but he didn't and moments later Shane was speaking again, albeit a bit quicker and more hushed.

"The doctor takes your hand and leads you to this room; his voice is quiet and reassuring, telling you how everything is going to be okay. You can't imagine why you feel that ever present cold shiver of fear up your neck as he speaks"

As Shane spoke those words, he blew coolly against his ear, while tracing his finger up along the back of his neck to produce the very sensation he was describing. As the cold chill of fear ran through him and met the hot pulsing need he was already feeling, a loud gasp tore from him and a word that was something between 'shit' and 'Shane'. There was a sharp intake of breath next to him and a rustle of movement that was not him and he silently begged Shane to begin speaking again; he was so close that it hurt.

"The feeling of unease and fear increases as he leads you to a table by the window; when you hear a scream of fear somewhere near and turn around toward it, the doctor takes that moment to spring and attack" Shane says, his voice becoming quicker and stuttering slightly in places; his body is closer than it was before and Ryan doesn't know if that was intentional but he does know he's glad. He can feel the rush of orgasm coming on and he presses into Shane's chest with his face, desperate for contact. Is he really that lonely? He must be, because the idea of actually coming next to another warm, living human, especially one he trusts and likes as much as Shane, sends a wave of relief and desire through him, sick as though it is.

"The doctor grabs you by the neck, slamming you onto the table, and before you can protest, he has tied you down to the table. You fight against it but you're helpless. Again….utterly helpless"

Ryan was bracing for Shane to grab him by the neck, like he had grazed his neck to make him shiver; actually he was hoping for it a bit. But it didn't come…and that's when Ryan realized that Shane's hands were more than occupied already. At first, Ryan couldn't believe it but the evidence was more than obvious; the raspy sound of Shane's voice, the hesitation as if his thoughts were jumbled, the rustling now of Shane's sleeping bag…..though Ryan could barely see him in the darkness, it was enough to know exactly what was happening. Shane was getting himself off just like Ryan was.

The revelation hit Ryan so hard that for a moment he stalled. Ryan knew exactly why he was doing this but why the fuck was Shane? A moment later, Ryan's dick twitched painfully as Shane gasped, just barely loud enough for Ryan, so close, to hear it and he realized it didn't matter; Shane was for whatever reason comfortable doing it near him and Ryan wanted to let go so he'd let it be a good enough reason. Ryan leaned further into Shane and began his fast pace again. Ryan tried to speak Shane's name through his lost breath but couldn't manage it; as he tried to speak, Shane was rushing on.

"The doctor laughs manically as you realize that you can't get away…the sound of his laughter mixes with the sounds of cries from others like yourself…..you feel the grating of a knife grazing your skin, cold and hard against your skin before it begins to dig into your flesh"

Ryan felt that residual fear from the words but mostly he heard the sound of Shane's labored breath, could feel the heat of his breath against his face where he was leaning into Shane, could feel their hands brush against each other as they each sought their own release. Ryan was so close that he could taste it.

Ryan could tell by Shane's voice that he was barely managing to speak; that he could speak at all was admirable.

"The pain is excruciating" Shane gasped, "you wanted to die but you had no idea that it would be this painful. The cold sharpness of the knife pressed through the layers of your throat, spilling out hot, pulsing blood that courses across your flesh and then digs deeper, cutting off your breath…its pain, its fear…and then absolutely nothing at all….."

And that's all it takes….with the words whispering against his ear, with his body pressed against Shane's, with his own familiar touch mingled with the fear and shame of the incident he was finally able to let go. Though he'd orgasmed only hours ago that hardly seemed to matter; his body shook with waves of desire and need as he spilled out. His hand stalled at the release and he instinctively nestled closer to Shane as if he was part of this; when he felt the shake of Shane's body that indicated he was thrusting for his own release, he realized Shane WAS part of this. Shane was hot and smelled of some spicy soap or cologne and Ryan realized that though he didn't know how Shane smelled or felt before this, somehow this was comfortingly familiar.

A moment later Ryan was hyperaware that Shane was panting and moaning so quiet Ryan would not have heard it if he wasn't inches from him, his hand pulsing quickly and damn…..if that wasn't a sound that Ryan was sure that he would never ever forget…He worried monetarily that he should be doing SOMETHING to help Shane; that's what he had done for Ryan, right? But Ryan had no idea WHAT he should be doing or even IF he should be doing anything. Maybe he was supposed to act as if nothing was happening; maybe Shane wanted Ryan to pretend he didn't notice. In any case, Ryan was undecided and ended up simply nestled entirely too closely to Shane, close and just THERE until it happened a few minutes later.

In the quiet of the abandoned asylum Ryan could hear the sound of Shane's release no matter how quiet he tried to be. With a gasp and a twitch against Ryan, Shane fell slack against Ryan, quiet and contented.

Ryan knew he should say something; he knew he NEEDED to say something. But a heavy, desperate tiredness swept over him and relaxing against Shane's warmth, feeling a hand pulling him close, he fell asleep in a place he should never have ever been able to sleep in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone that has commented and read. One more chapter coming soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Ryan had never slept in a haunted location but as oblivion faded away and gave way to a bleak, gray light, he realized he had slept all night in an abandoned asylum with little ill effect other than he had a sore back and had a running nose from the cold. Fighting against the sleeping bag and sitting up, Ryan blinked his eyes and took in his surroundings. Cold, dark, bleak surroundings like so many places he'd been before, a dreary, tired Shane stirring next to him and yet so much felt so DIFFERENT than it normally would have. When he saw the video and audio recorders overturned on the dusty floor, vacant and useless, it all came back to him.

Snapping at Shane…..Shane insisted he masturbate to get rid of his fear boner…he and Shane both getting off inches from each other….Ryan felt a jolt to his stomach he didn't know if it was excitement or fear but he knew it was something he had to talk about. Ryan knew Shane had scared him in an effort to help him get off, nothing more; when Shane, who was not the least affected by fear, also got off here, it became something more.

As Shane stirred, he blinked up at Ryan; he looked contented and slightly drowsy, enough to be happy but not enough for Ryan to suspect him of anything.

"You alright?" Ryan asked, his voice rough from sleep and the congestion of the cold. He wasn't sure what he expected Shane to say.

"I'm ready for some food and some stiff coffee…..but other than that, I'm okay" Shane said with a smile. A smile that was warm and familiar and NORMAL and betrayed nothing. Ryan convinced himself he was being ridiculous and tried to push it out of his mind.

Ryan managed to help pack up the sleeping bags and electronic equipment fine; he managed to get into the car fine. He managed to sit down at a Waffle House and order breakfast just fine….but somewhere along the lines fine seemed to fade into oblivion.

Ryan felt himself frozen in his chair, utterly powerless to do anything but take in the myriad of emotions swirling through his head. Across the table, Shane looked all the world like nothing had ever happened. Looking at Shane, it might have been a dozen other mornings he had shared with him after a shoot; Shane in his rumpled clothes and glasses, eyes slightly puffy from lack of sleep, scarfing down his food at an inhumane rate. Shane was familiar…..he was his friend…he was still all of those things but all that familiar was now being jumbled up in all of the very UNFAMILAR things Ryan was faced with. And the unfamiliar consisted of things like the memory his hand brushing against Shane's as they both beat off together and the knowledge of what Shane sounded like when he came. Even more distressing was Ryan's reaction to these thoughts; all he could find himself doing was staring into his plate of untouched food and think about how even though he didn't understand his feelings, he knew with certainty that he wanted to do what he and Shane had done last night again and that absolutely scared the shit out of him. Despite all of his effort, Ryan's brain felt like it was going to explode.

Ryan felt the noise of the crowded restaurant swirling in his ears but his attention was only fully focused on Shane as he burst out, "So…..are we going to talk about this or what?" as if his mouth had a mind of its own.

The room had all of the noise and chatter of a Saturday morning breakfast rush but Ryan felt as if a hush fell over the room because the only place he was looking was Shane. And at the sound of Ryan's words, Shane had immediately stopped. His fork was half way to his mouth, just hanging there with his mouth open in surprise. The sight normally would have made Ryan laugh; normally it would have been a comical sight. But shock now told Ryan that Shane had had no intention of talking about anything that had happened. And that almost was bad enough for Ryan to wish that he hadn't said anything. Only almost though….he knew he had to have answers or it would drive him crazy.

In a few seconds, Shane had recovered himself. Looking down into his plate and shuffling his food with his fork around his plate with faked interest, he said, "Talk about what?"

He wasn't looking at Ryan and that was okay because Ryan wasn't sure he could have this conversation if they were looking eye to eye. "You know what…..what happened last night…..that was something" Ryan said, his gaze away from Shane except to steal the occasional glance at him to try to gauge his reaction.

Shane took so long to say something that Ryan wasn't sure that he was going to speak. "That doesn't have to mean anything. It could just be nothing, you know" Shane said. His voice was quiet, hesitant.

Ryan recognized it for what it was; he didn't know how Ryan felt about it and he was giving him an out if what he was going to say was to make things awkward. But it HAD meant something; Ryan knew it meant something to him because he felt sweaty and hot and excited every time he thought of it. Just as much, he knew it had to mean something to Shane; nothing like that had ever happened between them and it wasn't exactly your typically erotic situation. Had it been, Ryan might have able to dismiss Shane's enjoyment. As it was, very few people would have found a dusty, haunted asylum arousing.

"It could be….but to me it was something" Ryan admitted. "And I think it was something to you too"

Shane looked up to meet Ryan's eyes briefly before looking away again, scanning the restaurant. "You want to talk about this here?" he asked. Ryan didn't miss the slight blush on his face.

His time around Shane had always been nothing but comfortable but now Ryan felt all of the excitement and uncertainty of a first date. It was a weird sensation to feel around Shane of all people but Ryan didn't feel it was exactly unwelcome. "No one's paying us the least bit of attention. Just say what you want to say" Ryan said, slightly surprised by his boldness.

Ryan found the boldness to look at Shane in that moment too; he saw a slight grin at his words and felt like something was about to explode in his chest. "It meant something to me too" Shane admitted, finally meeting Ryan's eyes across from the table.

"You made fun of me for getting aroused in those haunted places but you were too" Ryan said. He said it like it was a question even though it wasn't. He wanted Shane to contradict him even though he couldn't believe they were talking about this.

"It wasn't the place….and I wasn't scared" Shane said and he was back to looking away from Ryan. The pink on his cheeks had spread all the way to his ears and Ryan couldn't recall ever seeing Shane look that embarrassed. And that was saying something considering they worked for Buzzfeed; he'd seen Shane do some pretty embarrassing things.

"Well…..then what was it?" Ryan asked. He almost pinched himself to convince himself that they were having this conversation but his pounding heart and sweating palms told him enough that he wasn't having a dream.

"You…..your sounds…..your reaction to me" Shane said. Though the restaurant was loud it might have well been the loudest sound ever. Ryan could hear the sounds of the words echoing in his head like an alarm bell.

You…you…..you…was Shane really saying what he thought he was saying? Was he really saying that his arousal had nothing to do with the fear of the location or what he had been saying but that it had solely come from Ryan alone? Ryan felt a rush of heat go down to his lap and up to his cheeks at the same time and was still trying to formulate what to say when Shane spoke again.

"I can't believe I just said that…"Shane said with a bit of self-deprecating laugh, running a hand through his longer than normal hair, his face embarrassingly pink. He looked so much like he wanted to take it back; embarrassment and self-loathing taking over. Ryan wanted nothing more than for him to not take it back.

"I want you to!" Ryan blared at such a volume that several tables around them turned around and looked annoyingly at him. Ryan didn't care; all that mattered was Shane reaction. While everyone around them was glaring annoyingly at Ryan's outburst, Shane was…..well, being Shane…was laughing a bit too loudly at Ryan's outburst.

Shane kept laughing and though it relieved Ryan's fear a bit, he still felt a bit self-conscious about it as well. His face was hot and no doubt red as he said, "I mean…what I mean to say…I guess I mean…"

Shane was laughing across the table at him and ultimately grabbed Ryan's hands which caught his attention immediately and made him stop hyperventilating; Ryan stopped breathing altogether. "It's okay" Shane said, looking directly into Ryan's eyes so he knew it meant something.

Ryan felt his brain and his heart and his very being self-destruct. Ryan felt Shane's eyes on him like magnets, drawing him and unable to look away even though he felt he should. Shane's hands felt warm and sweaty in his own. It was a totally foreign feeling, Shane's big hands around his own; it wasn't the least bit unwelcome. His heart was hammering in his chest and his stomach was flopping so much he was grateful he hadn't eaten any yet.

"It is?" Ryan asked. Is it okay? Is it really okay? Is it okay I liked getting off with you? Is it okay I can't breathe at the thought that you liked it too? All of these questions hung in the air with that simple one and he was banking on Shane knowing him well enough to be able to read between the lines. Thankfully, he did.

"Well…..yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong…..this feels weird as hell but still…..I know I liked doing that and…..I know I want to do it again." Shane admitted, his voice stuttering and shaking slightly as he spoke. He seemed overcome with embarrassment, dropping Ryan's hands to ruffle his hair again. "God…..another thing I can't believe I'm saying"

"I'm glad you are "Ryan said quickly, then fell silent until he saw Shane's satisfied grin again, "I mean I don't understand this anymore than you do but I still want to try it again."

Shane's eyes met Ryan's as he laughed nervously. "You're a freak" he said with that little smirk that he had given Ryan a million times but this time it meant more than it ever had. I'm teasing you like always…I'm laughing because I'm so relieved, it assured him.

Teasing each other was so natural, so normal; it reassured Ryan while at the same it made his heart burst with the feeling of excitement of something new starting. "Yeah….suppose I am. That's okay; I still want to do it again" Ryan teased, failing to keep his grin from spreading across his face.

"I'm sure I could find something to scare your weird ass….today….maybe even right after breakfast" Shane said. Ryan might not have even believed the words came from his mouth if he didn't see the grin and the profuse blush spread across his cheeks. Ryan couldn't believe this was happening, that Shane was suggesting they do it again much less at 8:00 in the morning. He felt like he was having an out of body experience in the best way possible.

"Wow…..someone's eager" Ryan said, his lips twitching, fork prodding at his plate as if he wasn't completely thrilled at Shane's over eagerness. When he looked up, Shane was blushing and trying not to look embarrassed, giving him a look of fake bravado.

"Just eat your breakfast" he said, grinning as he turned his attention to his own meal, tucking in with a speed that told even more than his words how ready he was to leave.

Ryan didn't have to be told twice.

Everyone's weird in their own way; there's no point in getting hung up about it. It's never bothered me being weird. I've always been the guy who got teased for believing in ghosts and demons; it's all in fun. Besides, I know what I'm saying is the truth and it's only everyone else's loss that they don't believe. Now, getting turned on in haunted houses? That was too weird even for me. I'm not naïve so I know everyone has strange sex stuff they are into. But getting a hard on in a haunted house? In front of everyone? That shit was just embarrassing. I wanted it to go away as soon as it started because I was sure no one else was that weird and even if they were, I wasn't going to talk to anyone about it to find out.

That was, until that night in the asylum. At first it could have easily been that Shane felt guilty about making fun of me or was just trying to be a good friend and help me out. When I felt his hand moving in his pants and moaning next to me, it became something totally different. Everyone's weird; you just have to find that person who is weird like you are. Shane's not my boyfriend; he's still the same goofy, funny guy who's been my best friend for a while. Admittedly, we do some things other people might find….complicated. We'll have some big questions to answer one day but right now we're taking it one day at a time. One glorious, fucked-up, amazing day at a time.

And today that one day began with me waking up at 6:00 to a text that said simply, "Meet me at the cemetery. Now"

I rub my eyes and force my fingers to wake up along with the rest of me. "What for?" I ask even though I know. I fucking know exactly what for; it's just better when you tell me. My room is still dark and though I was asleep a minute ago I'm awake now, very awake.

My tired eyes are fixed on the bright glow of the screen in the darkness; a moment later you text me a photo. A photo of a knife; no words, nothing else…THAT is definitely new…..

I am up out of my bed and dressed in less than a minute and out the door. The air is cold on my face as I open the door and the sun just beginning to peak up above the horizon; not enough to be bright, just light enough to cast an eerie glow through the morning fog.

The cemetery is within walking distance from my house which was a good thing; I'm not sure I could wait for a cab. Already my heart is racing, my breath coming out quick, my palms sweating despite the cold; I can already feel the hair on the back of my neck stick up with fear. No matter how many times you have scared me, it still doesn't fail to get to me. You always find a new, novel way that speaks to some fear or need maybe even I didn't know I had. Like that knife? Who the fuck knew I needed that but apparently I do because goosebumps cover my skin and I'm already half hard.

It's early so the cemetery isn't open; it's not the first time I've climbed the fence. Shane teases me about being short but I have no problem at all getting over the fence.

The cemetery is one of my favorite places; call me morbid but it is. Especially early in the morning like this; it's quiet, calm and peaceful. Of course the lonely aesthetic of the graves, of hundreds of lost lives and the heaviness of spirits doesn't hurt either.

I feel everything, hyperaware, as I walk through the cemetery. It's so quiet all I can hear is the sound of birds in the trees and distant traffic; I strain my ears for the sound of your footsteps but I can't hear them. You're incredibly light on your feet for someone so tall; I think you've been practicing and even that makes me get hotter because honestly? You practicing scaring me so you can be better for next time? You putting forth that much effort for me? Hot…..

You keep me waiting for a long time this time; I lose track of how long I circle around the graves, looking at the different sayings and engravings. They really look hauntingly beautiful in the early morning fog but the beauty is somewhat lost on me while I'm so focused on waiting for you. The waiting is part of the foreplay; the longer you make me wait, the more my heat races, the more excited I get. I remember how your breath feels against my ear and wonder what you're going to do with that knife; I have a hard time not touching myself.

I'm in the oldest section of the cemetery, the ones that are covered in moss and crumbling, when it happens. There's a strong hand pushing my back; I brace my fall and hands land on the cold stone of someone's mausoleum. One hand pushes the small of my back so I can't move; you dig hard enough I can feel the sweet burn of pain that tells me I'll have bruises there. But it's the other hand I'm focused on. There's a knife pressed against my neck, cold and threatening. You're not pushing hard enough to draw blood but it's hard enough to hurt. I gasp and you dig it in harder; I whimper but I'm completely hard now.

I turn around to look at you even though it makes the knife dig in. you're wearing a black jacket with the hood up so I can't really see your face. I know it's you but if I didn't know your build and voice I could easily believe a stranger was about to molest me; that shouldn't make me burn with need but it does.

"Don't look at me" you say in a hard, biting voice. The sound of it sends trembles of fear through me; every hair on my body stands up along with my cock. My breath is raspy and I turn back around so my face is pressed against the cold stone. Your whole body covers mine from behind, pleasantly warm and heavy. You're hard too; I can feel it straining through your jeans against the thin fabric of my sweat pants. We haven't done THAT yet…..but feeling you pressed against my ass makes me wonder if we might someday.

"You do what I tell you or I'll cut you and laugh while I watch you bleed out" you hiss darkly in my ear, hot and threatening, digging the knife in. I'm definitely going to have a bruise there too and won't that be fun explaining away to everyone?

"Actually, it would give me no greater pleasure than to do just that. I may just do it anyway…..I'd love to watch your hot blood spill out on this cool stone. Then I'd fuck you and leave your sad little body here like the trash it is"

Fucking Shane Alexander Madej….it doesn't even sound like you. So dark, so dangerous and perverse…the shaming and the hints of necrophilia are new. I might be able to judge you if I wasn't getting a sick thrill from your words.

"Drop your pants like the little slut you are" you bark and I don't even think about it. My hands are shaking from adrenaline so much that it's hard to get them to move but eventually I manage to push them down so that they pool at my feet. I should be insulted by being called a slut but I am the one standing in the middle of a graveyard bare assed with a hard cock. And I'm shaking with need and I'm about to grab myself when YOU beat me to it.

We've always maintained our own space; somehow you tell yourself it's not sex if you're doing it to yourself. You've never touched me but you're touching me now. Your hand wraps around my dick and begins to pump at such a delicious speed it's like you've done this to me a million times. Maybe you're just really observant; I didn't realize you were paying such attention all of those times.

"Shane!" I didn't mean to speak but my voice echoes like a siren in silent graveyard. I'm embarrassed but the shame is part of it; otherwise I wouldn't be half naked getting jerked off in a graveyard while my friend verbally abuses me. But here….I….. am….

And it feels so GOOD…your hand is bigger than mine and feels so much better mine. The cold air stings my ass but every time you move I can feel your dick against it. I can already feel my body gathering up for an orgasm and somehow I feel coming too soon would be the most embarrassing thing in this situation.

"I'm not Shane…..I don't even fucking know you. If you speak again, I'm going to cut out your vocal cords with this knife. All I'm interested in his seeing you come at my hand like a little bitch and then leaving you here" you hiss in my ear while you press the knife against me.

It's too much…..being in the graveyard feeling the psychological press of spirts around me, the shame of being jerked off in public, the rush of adrenaline and fear, your voice, your smell, the press of you on me, your touch…..

You…..you…..YOU…

I come faster than I can recall having done since I was a teenager and though I would have liked nothing more than to make it last, I give in completely. The orgasm is so strong it's like it shakes my whole being, making my heart feel like it's going to burst, my legs shaky and my head dizzy. At first my fingers try and fail to dig into the cold stone in front of me and surely later I'll mentally apologize for doing this against some poor soul's last resting spot. But right now, my hands reach back for you; you drop the knife and it clatters against the pavement. Your free arm wraps around me and I grab onto it. I lean back into your chest and you hold me while I ride out my orgasm.

It's going to be different now; we both know it. But that's okay; I think we're both ready for that. We've always had those boundaries but I'm glad they aren't here now. It feels good to lean into you, to feel your arms wrapped around me as my breath eventually calms down in the cold air. Damn, I'm fucked up…..but I'm fucked up with you.

When it's over you pull my pants up for me; my legs are shaking so I lean back against the stone to steady myself. I want to see your face and I reach up and pull back your hood; there's that same goofy grin I've seen a million times, the one that's slightly smug. I'd make a joke about it but obviously you've got reason to be smug.

"Well, that was…..fast?" you say with a laugh. You're breathing hard and I am overly aware that you're still fully hard. You were so busy with me you haven't touched yourself. I'm still panting, breathing as if I was drowning and come back to life, but I had almost regained myself when it occurs to me that it's my turn. My turn to help you.

"That was…..different" I say with a laugh, still breathing hard. I let the word different hang in the air with all of the meanings it holds. This location was different, the fear was different, the shame was different…..but ultimately it was different because you were the one doing it. I'm a bit terrified about what it means about us but as time has shown it turns out I like to be afraid.

"I had no idea you were quite so filthy. I mean, I knew you had a dirty mind but you're down right filthy" you say, trying to give me a teasing glance but I notice your hands hovering close to your erection, obviously dying for release yourself. You won't ask me to do it so it's a good thing you don't have to.

"Yeah….I suppose I am" I admit because we both know it's the truth. "But, looks like someone likes that" I look at your erection, obviously staring, not trying to act like I'm not. It makes you blush.

You shrug. "I don't know…..what makes you think that?" you ask, trying to be cool. It's not helped by the way your needy voice cracks as you speak.

"Oh….perhaps THIS" I say pointedly, grabbing your dick through your jeans and pressing against you, your back hitting a tree. You moan as I grab you and that's a sound I'm unlikely to ever forget; even my spent body gives a twitch of interest.

"I'm scared…."

All bets are off; we aren't playing, we aren't teasing. And that was not me that said he was scared. The world around us is still and calm; all I hear is your breathing and feel it against my face. Your lips are an inch from mine; we haven't done that yet either but I'm close enough to now. Except, when you said you were scared I can do is look into your eyes.

"You want me to stop?" I ask. It seemed pretty clear what you wanted but I've been wrong before; I've been too much before. Insecurity wells up inside me at record speed like it always done when the hint of worry comes into my head.

"No….no…"you say, your voice a hush with a slight laugh, "I just meant I'm worried…..scared I might screw this up"

You're never scared; that's always been my job. And it dawns on me how very different we are. I'm scared of so many things; bears, ghosts, demons, the dark, the unknown, the millions of ways I could die…You aren't scared of much that you'll admit to; up until this point the only one I knew of was your irrational fear of getting tricked into doing heroin. But now there is another one; Shane Madej, the man who is definitely not scared of the supernatural, is scare of me leaving. You always were deeper than me.

I want to say something profound; to assure you with some smart thing to say to tell you I'm not going anywhere. Perhaps I should tell you how I feel about you and I probably will one day. But I've never been the best with words and so I find myself closing that small space between us. I've always been better at that anyway.

Your lips are softer than I would have thought and you taste like coffee. It doesn't take long for it to seem to alleviate your fears because your arms are wrapped around me, scratching up and down my back, holding on tight. And obviously you're a tongue guy because you've already got your tongue half way down my throat and that is just fucking fine by me. Great, actually…

I only pull away when we need to breathe; I only leave the smallest space between us so I can still be close but look at you too. Your hands grip my arms and your face is red and flushed but you are smiling and you just look so…..soft? Soft and relaxed and perfect. We've got ourselves off next to each other in a dozen other locations and you've said things to me I couldn't imagine anyone else saying to me; you know probably more about how to get me off than anyone else has before but somehow this moment feels more intimate than all of those.

"Actually…..being afraid feels pretty good" you say, your voice husky from want, laughing against my lips.

I take one last long breath before kissing you again and I think, Yeah….yeah it does…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out to be a bit darker than I origninally planned but I hope you all liked it. Thanks to everyone who liked and commented!


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